An Extreme Summary Of My Morning
This is a post my brother wrote. He’s in the air force living in Seoul, Korea and has many hilarious stories to share. This is an over exaggerated recap of his morning a few days ago.
“My mind wanders through subconsciousness like a snowflake wanders the sky on a calm evening. The clock ticks to 5:20 am and suddenly my ears are assaulted by the deafening electronic beeping. Still ensconced by the grasp of sleep, my arm is slow to strike the snooze button.
Eight fleeting minuets pass and once more I am at the mercy of the simple device on my nightstand. This time I manage to shake the semi hypnotic trance and lash out in full force, smashing my defenseless clock into the hard cement wall of my dorm. A litany of curses ensues its ruction as I work up enough gall to toss back my warm and inviting blankets and bare the savage cold of the room outside of my bed. My ceiling fan watches me from above, like a bird of prey encircling its next victim. Its chill wind is an unwanted guest in my room this morning so I choke out its life with the simple flick of a switch.
I go about my daily routine of getting dressed in my finely crafted ABU light armor set and brushing my teeth. The newly formed plaque and morning breath cry out in agony as I unleash an onslaught of minty fresh fluoride, crushing them between the mighty bristles of my brush. Once all my gear has been accounted for I leave the relative safety of my room and traverse down the hall way, stopping only momentarily to summon a magical box than transports me 80 feet down to the surface below. I make my way through a few more dim corridors and finally reach the last door of the structure.
Outside is a bitter, snow swept wasteland. The wind howling through narrow alleys, taxis racing down the ice ravaged road, the moon still looms overheard, casting a gloomy light over the unwelcoming world before me. But I cannot afford to be intimidated by such things. Who else would vacuum and clean if I were not to show for work? Thus is my duty. My calling. And with that I make the first step of many toward my shop.”
-Fin.
A Facebook Rebuttle.
I signed into Facebook tonight to find my inbox flooded with tags of peoples notes. Yes for some reason a truckload of people couldn’t think of that final person to add to their spam list and hated me enough to throw me on their list.
OK, maybe they didn’t hate me, but they decided to tag me in a note that seems to be going around. Its basically 25 things about yourself. Its a flash back to 2005 MySpace where you write down 25 things about yourself “that nobody knows” and send it to 25 people who were apart of said line or that you want to write and pass on. Its another refresh of the ever annoying chain letter.
Being how I can’t let a thing like this go on without mocking it relentlessly and beating it bloody, I decided to write a rebuttal in the sekret form of the chain letter itself. I sent it out to a few people, knowing they would be offended by it, but if they can’t learn to laugh at something like this, then they will live a sad life.
Here it is:
Snips and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails
1) What is a note?
2) Why does anyone care about this note?
3) What is the reason for these notes?
4) Why do people keep irrelevantly tagging me in their notes?
5) Is this the new “poke”?
6) Why does everyone have a list of random things about themselves that don’t matter in their notes?
7) Is there a point to having only 25 lines in the note?
8) Is this a new concept of a chain letter?
9) Is this a lighter version of the stupid surveys that float aimlessly on MySpace?
10) Did Facebook just start to suck again?
11) Why do people think this is fun?
12) Is there more to life than what people know about me on Facebook?
13) Do I share these “Things about myself that nobody knows” so that hopefully people will pay attention to me and read them and send me a comment back because I’m lonely and bored and want someone to like for my uniqueness and strike up a random conversation about hair dye or tooth paste or the fact that we both enjoy watching Gossip Girls but only on DVD so we can watch it all at once instead of show by show because its so good oh by the way what’s up with Chuck I know his dad died and everything by why so serious chuck i love the Dark Knight Heath Ledger XOXOXOX
14) Is it really necessary to tag 25 people specifically? Will time and space implode? Will you die where you sit? Will your neighbors dog die where it sits? Will the Flying Dutchman haunt you and your family for 7 generations? Is there a man behind the curtain? Will you have to find Jack, Kate, Sayid, Hurley and Sun and go back to the Island?
15) Do you hate me so much that you would clutter my inbox with 15 tags of myself on notes that don’t relate to me?
16) Is there a reason that every note is named some awkward, random phrase that makes people want to slit their own wrists just trying to comprehend its meaning?
17) Are you really that “Out of the Box” and crazy that you believe you will blow people away by starting at 25 and counting backwards to 1?
18) Did you know they found water on Mars? Did you know that this note is still more irrelevant?
19) Is it really so ironic to write that you secretly *insert non-secret fact here* by placing it in a public note?
20) Are you really the only person that relates their life to a movie when you know at least 500 other people that do the same?
21) Do you really love me/like me and that’s why you tagged me or are you just tagging people randomly because you can’t think of 25 people that you actually love/like?
22) Do you hate me yet for mocking these notes so relentlessly?
23) Is it really necessary to write that embarrassing fact about yourself that “OMG I can’t believe I’m saying this but…” because you actually like the attention and aren’t that embarrassed by it?
24) Is it really a wonder that I could make fun of notes for this long?
25) Are you offended and hurt now that I just made fun of the chain note for 25 straight lines? Don’t be. Read on.
This is a joke and nothing more. I just signed into Facebook and had a massive list of notifications from people that posted “25 things” in notes with me tagged in them. There are a great many things within Facebook that I do not like nor participate in. I don’t accept requests to join random groups to save Russian White Seals nor do I accept kidnap requests (honestly, who would accept an invitation to be kidnapped?) nor do I add every ridiculous app and poke and tag there is. I use it for what I like, so don’t be bothered or angry if I don’t accept your request, or for this matter, return your chain letter. All you need to know about me is already written on my profile page or can be found out by having a REAL conversation with me.
Now, go along and laugh it all off, because it really is quite hilarious (especially #13)
