As an avid patron of the cinema and intransigent critic of filmmaking, I do not attend films and movies for only the sake of entertainment, but feel that it is my duty to immerse myself in the story that is unfolding onscreen. There are many genres and styles of film that I find imaginative, real, creative and intriguing. Granted, there are many films/movies that I enjoy simply because they are entertaining, as we all do. Anchorman may never cease to be my favorite comedy, and I heartily enjoy Die Hard, and I must admit I will always have a guilty pleasure for Milo and Otis (I grew up on it).

Needless to say, I have broad range of taste in film and like to expand my horizons whenever I can. My Netflix queue is constantly growing, and with each film I scratch off the list, 3 more take its place. Some say that its a waste to spend so much time in front of the TV, and I wholeheartedly agree. But… is that time better spent in a book or in front of the computer? Yes and no. Like I said earlier, I don’t watch films for the sake of taking up time. I watch them to learn, to watch how other filmmakers tell a story, to try and understand what is trying to be told. I look at it the same as reading a book. What is the mystery? How is the dialogue enriching it? How is it unfolding? A film is just a visual representation of someone’s story to begin with, so how is this visual representation best telling that story?

Granted, there are scores of god-awful excuses for film that make their way to the screen every year, many of those making gratuitous amounts of money, but there are also unseen and unnoticed gems that get produced, often independently, that are incredible works of art. Ink and Primer for example. Both had a minimal budget and were produced completely independent of any studio interference. While Primer gained respect from various film festivals, such as SXSW, Ink’s only popularity came from fans that found out about it through the filmmakers tweets and what little news they got from a Colorado art theater. Both are incredible stories that most moviegoers, even avid ones, don’t know about.

My point here is this: Story is apart of life. Film is just a visual story being told through someone else’s vision. Some are great story tellers, and some should be sentenced to watch their own films on loop for eternity. Either way, whether you enjoy film like I do, or whether you see it purely as entertainment, take a moment and think about the story that’s being told.

[editors note:  I haven't had anything worth ranting over lately. Seriously.  Every cup of coffee I've had from an establishment has been either delicious, or already ranted on previously.  So, I'll spare you any crapified coffee rants over places I've decided to re-try in hopes that their poop brew has changed, when in fact, no...they haven't.  This following rant is on ordering coffee, not necessarily the coffee itself...primarily because I was the barista in question.  I wouldn't rant about myself, of course.  Why rant on awesomeness?  Also, understand, that I'm not ranting about my church friends.  I love all of my church friends...and loved all of my previous customers.]

Last Sunday, I was given the opportunity by request to ‘man’ the espresso bar at our church.  I was excited for a few reasons:

1. I haven’t run an espresso bar in over a year
2. Their espresso bar is real. Not your push-button crap. Full on real-life espresso. Adjust the grind. Tamp the portafilter. Steam the milk. Pull the shot.
3. I’m picky about my espresso…which means, I can tell when a shot isn’t going to be good.  I’ll throw a shot away if I think it’s bad. Wasteful?  Heck yes. [side note: If you’re ordering a drink with 2 or more syrups, order decaf, or ask that your milk be ‘extra hot’, just know that I’ll give you a crappy shot.  I won’t waste a good shot on you because you won’t even taste it.

But I digress.  And know that this isn’t a slam against my church friends.  It’s the way they ordered it that reminded me of exact conversations I had with coffee shop customers, so very long ago. Read on…

Read the rest of this entry »

I’ve been a terrible redunk author.   Well, I don’t know if my authoring skills are terrible, but certainly the non-posting has labeled me terrible.  My attention has been divided between this blog, my other blog, my wife’s business site, video game playing, sleeping, eating, pooping, and uncontrollable screaming.  I’ve also not felt very redunk lately.  I haven’t seen anything redunk.  I haven’t done anything redunk.  I haven’t even smelled anything redunk [to be fair, I haven't spent much time with @rexbarrett, so...you know]. For crying out loud…I haven’t even had a decent cup of coffee lately.

[decent cup of coffee = 4 shots of ristretto espresso]

Also, my social agenda has been jammed full of crap to do.  For instance, I’ve been hanging out with a lot of people lately, like these folks:

There’s no comment that you can make on this that won’t sound racist….so don’t even try.

I guess I have done some redunk stuff lately.  I am working on a video montage of  me driving through wine country. I’ve been so stinking busy lately, whatwith hanging out with the Huxtables ‘n whatnot, that I haven’t had an opportunity to finalize that particular project.

So, @tehshawn…

This post is dedicated to you, my friend.  This post goes out to you and your pretty face.  Mmmm…so pretty.

Gerard Butler, he’s either the lovable sweet guy or the total bad-a who can destroy the world armed with only a beard and a meaty yell. He’s better at the latter.

After the jump is the official trailer and motion poster. Hover over the poster, its fun.

Via Film School Rejects

This post isn’t political.  So cool your jets.

This post is, however, very sarcastic.  So fire up your engines. There’s likely a poop joke too.

[what does that even mean?]

Let me just say right off, that going to the movies is a total rip.  My wife and I can’t go to the movies without spending $30 or more.  Frankly, I’d rather blow 30 bones on (cr)Applebee’s.  It seems like a waste of money, even if the movie is epic and awesome and epic.  Right now, movie tix in the KC area run about $10 each.  [do your own math for 2 tix]

I can’t go to the movies without having a box of Junior Mints in one paw and a massive soda in the other.  That right there will run you another $10.  She can go without the pop, but not without the popcorn. With the fiasco and the boneheads at AIG, it doesn’t make sense that those morons, and with governing power knowledge, can in good conscience shell out million dollar bonuses, yet, I’m stuck spending money I don’t have on a movie that will undoubtedly suck the life out of me, leave me a little bit morally depraved, and sick at my stomach because I don’t know how to stop eating Junior Mints whilst washing it down with about 64 ounces of caffeinated asparatame soda. Bigger government will solve the economy problem? Ha! How about free Pepto Bismol shots at the concession counter? I’m tired of leaving every single movie with raging heat in my lower intestine that’s about to explode my britches [and any others within a 20 foot radius].

Sorry. That was grosser than anticipated. I’ve already typed it, so what’s the point in going back to edit? Besides, none of this idiotic post makes sense anyway.

The price of movies is going up, regardless of the crap economy that we’re in or out of at the moment.  CNN went to Washington, to seek out a bailout plan for movie buffs:

If you don’t know, they mashed it up with the AIG congressional hearing.

The steady downgrade of our American society can be easily blamed in many things. Our poor education system, the constant change of our moral climate, our lack of self control, our debt issues or even our failure to remain out of other peoples busniess. I believe it comes down to one defining issue: Chili’s.

You may have difficulty comprehending this, and that’s understandable, I mean how could a simple restaurant chain be responsible for the problems of a nation? Let me take you on a journey through time.

We’ll start in 1920 Germany, the Nazi party was newly formed and starting to work itself into power. They needed backing. Their scholars began researching. Looking into more supernatural and paranormal routes they finally landed on an ancient evil, and evil so evil that it could not be called by its true name. It was known as “Heilige Scheiße, das ist Übel” which loosely translate as, “Holy Crap, that is Evil”. They decided that the name was too long and after much deliberation, came up with “Chili’s”. How you ask? The original documents go like this “This is as evil as Hell, Hell is hot, hot peppers are hot, hot peppers are called chili’s, so we’ll call this great evil Chili’s” It made sense to them.

The Nazi party marches with its original symbol of evil. (1932)

From the beginning they adopted the symbol of the Chili as their mark, but as Hitler came to power in 1933 he changed their symbol of rule to the commonly known swastika. He had plans for the Chili symbol yet, but it was not for territorial conquest. He would use it to start a prominent restaurant chain. He knew the Nazi regime wouldn’t last forever, and He knew He could carry on the evil without even trying. If disguised properly the mindless populous of the world would do it for him. This was His true vision of world power.

Adolf Hitler gives a salute to his minions outside his restaurant (1939)

After Berlin fell and Hitler was found dead in 1945, it all seemed to be over. Evil had been defeated and Chili’s was no more. Thirty-years passed, and in 1975 a quasi-familiar restaurant was opened in Dallas, TX. Chili’s was making its comeback. By the early 1980′s Chili’s had grown to 22 locations and was just getting started. Its dominance grew rapidly, soon opening up international borders.

Now that you know a little of the history of this sinister corporation let me explain its impact on today. While it is no longer backing a devilish regime that is slaughtering millions, it is inducing irreparable damage to tens of millions if not hundreds. Its insidious ways of brainwashing people into thinking its crappy food is indeed “good” or well prepared has fooled nations. Just by walking into a Chili’s you subject yourself to this indoctrination. In eating the food you poison yourself, no not in the “I’m going to die” sense, but you poison yourself with the mindset that Chili’s is a decent establishment. You begin to want to eat there more and more, you want to have family outings and social events there. You always say to everyone “It has a great atmosphere with the pleasantries and quality of a sit down restaurant and the convenience and affordability of fast food!”. What you don’t realize, is that its a cult and you’re slowly spreading its doctrine of evil.

Its power grips you, causes you to think differently. You begin to lose any and all good taste. Soon you want to start driving a PT Cruiser with chrome borders. You begin thinking that the movie “Taken” wasn’t so bad after all. You start to feel that Mark Walhberg deserves an Oscar for his performance in “The Happening”. You have the urge to grow a mullet and bleach it. You begin to spend time with dense friends and become dense yourself. You think that Microsoft makes a pretty good OS and don’t understand why people would want to use anything different. You begin to think that Starbucks is the only coffee in the world, and Folgers is just an offshoot. You start maxing out your credit cards with no restraint on TV informercial products and sales at Macy’s. You see the world through the eyes that Chili’s wants you to. You want to be a washed up Abercrombie model.

These are only some of the horrors. I cannot divulge too much information as my person is now on Chili’s hit list for exposing the truth. Take this information and do what you will with it, but please heed my warning. It’s not to late.

We are anonymous. We are legion We do not forgive. We do not forget. Expect us.

Satire: 1. the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc. 2. a literary composition, in verse or prose, in which human folly and vice are held up to scorn, derision, or ridicule.

I am a fan of the Snuggie, surely you know what a Snuggie is, right? The precision marketing of this product has been unreal, “save on your heating bill”?! Really?! Suggie Inc. has somehow convinced people that they NEED a blanket with a hole in the middle to pop your head through.

There is another reason I’m a fan of the Snuggie, it enables me to figure out who who I’m cooler than. These people purchase Snuggies as a cry for acceptance, a promise that “all the cool kids are doing it”. I know the truth though and have made a simple graphic to show you what I mean.

A final proof Snuggie wearers are just crying out for acceptance is this event, The Snuggie Pub Crawl. That’s right, gaggles of Snuggie wearers will brave the eyes of the outside world wearing their glorified blankets and drinking ale together. This is a sad day in our history. Many people I am much much cooler than will wear their Snuggies in the light of day and actually feel proud of their purchases. That, my friends, is Redunk.

(side note, there is a charity portion to this event and I am in no way making fun of that)

I went to QuickTrip [gas station] tonight on my way in to the office. I needed a Monster Drink to give me the initial pep/heart palpitations to kick off the night. As was heading to the checkout, I noticed from the corner from my eye a stick of beef jerky…practically calling my name. Being traditionally a lean meat, I thought it’d be a diet-friendly delicious snack to savor as I begin my night. I was right, by the way.

Here is the exchange I had with the clerk assisting me with my provisions:

Clerk: Will that be all?
Me: Yes.
Clerk: That will be $-.–

[at this point, we exchange the legal tender so that I may properly receive the goods I wish to acquire]

Clerk: [holding up my stick of beef jerky] Are these any good?
Me: Yeah…it IS beef jerky after all.
Clerk: Oh. I’ve never had this.
Me: That brand?
Clerk: No. I’ve never had beef jerky before.
Me: Holy Crap. Are you serious? Are you some sort of freak-of-nature?

—

I did NOT ask him that last question, but I did want to reach across and either bull whip him with my beef jerky stick, or give him an open palm slap across the chest. Let the record show that he didn’t seem to be one of them vegetarian types… he’s in the wrong part of the city for that.

-Andy

-= Posted from my iPhone =-

This review is brought to you by Redunk and the throngs of people that continue to fuel the writing, filming and production of crappy movies. Thank you for flooding the market.

Taken was written by Luc Besson and Robert Mark Kamen and directed by Pierre Morel. It stars Liam Neeson, Maggie Grace (Remember the hot yet annoying blond chick from the first season of Lost?) The always gorgeous Famke Janssen and some other French dudes that no one really knows. It scored a 55% on Rotten Tomatoes T-Meter, a 40% from Top Critics and a 91% from the mindless RT Community.

First let me start off by saying that I thought this movie sucked. I saw it about 3 or 4 weeks before it hit theaters in the U.S. I was immediately glad that I didn’t stand in line and waste $10 on it. I rated it 20% on Rotten Tomoatoes.

Now before a flame war begins and you swear at Redunk and pillage the servers, I will say that the fight sequences were awesome. I’m pretty sure that’s how Liam Neeson would really act if someone kidnapped his daughter. He takes no prisoners and leaves no one for the ambulance, just the Coroner. He romps all over France beating the crap out of everyone he even thinks is connected and leaves a trail of bodies. Good stuff. However, that was all I liked about the whole film, and even that was being generous.

This movie was a total rip off of The Bourne Identity as well as many other kill-baddies-all-over-Europe-because-I’m-an-ex-spy movie. It takes every cliché from that genre and capitalizes on it. In fact, its almost entirely written off clichés. On top of the awful clichés, it seemed that everyone was told as soon as they walked on set, “Forget what you know about good acting. It will not exist in this film. Seriously, act like this is your 5th grade Christmas play.” Even Liam, who is awesome, acted as if he was only there because he owed someone a favor. A big one. 

All in all, the story was weak, forced and overplayed. The dialogue was laughable, the acting was pathetic and the daughter ran wierd. I seriously thought something was wrong with her. Other than than dudes getting their faces punched in, I was genuinely board. 

Here’s a quick recap:

Warning: There be spoilers ahead (but honestly, there’s not much left to spoil)

“I’m so emo, ’cause I was a typical Spy/Father and didn’t spend enough time with my family because I was to busy saving America and my wife left me, even though she knew better. Oh well, I quit all that 5 years too late so I can be poor and live close by my daughter and ex-wife who married a typical rich guy.

“Its my daughters birthday, I’ll spend all of $15.00 dollars on a karaoke machine that was made for an eight year old even though she’s seventeen.”

“Oh goody, she likes it, because she has this fantasy that she’s going to be a pop star still someday. I’m glad my whiny ex-wife was able to see that… ah crap, the super-rich step-dad bought her a horse and she now could care less about my half-hearted gift.”

“Hmm, I’ve been offered a body guard job protecting some high class pop-star, I should ask her if she’ll see my daughter. 

“Oh noes, some guy was classically waiting to stab the pop-star! Good thing I’m so awesome! I’ll hospitalize this idiot and rescue the star. Me FTW.”

“My daughter wants to go to France? No ways, I know how things roll there. I have premonition. Well… since she’s thrown such a spoiled fit, I’ll let her, so long as she takes my super secret spy phone”

“To top it all off, since shes not the least bit traumatized about being held captive by sex-traffickers, I’ll take her to the pop-star that I saved earlier so she can say some formulated cliche line”

Teh End!